Celeb's View of Monogamy
I don’t ever like to read tabloid type celeb articles. However I did just read one. I was reading an article about the new Harley Quinn spin-off movie and at the end of the article it had the ‘Related Articles’ section. The top one did catch my attention called, “Celebs who don’t believe in monogamy.” The reason this caught my attention is it was not entitled, “Celebs who have been caught cheating.” That would probably have been a boring article since Hollywood seems to have it so common among the celebrity culture that cheating is just a part of the business. No, this article was referring to celebs who don’t believe in monogamy.Reading this article stirred up my spirit as I know much of American culture is driven by celebrity fads and views. Some Christians may even be susceptible to having an unhealthy fascination with some celebs. So what do some of Hollywood’s truth proclaimers feel about monogamous relationships?Scarlett Johansson doesn’t believe monogamy is ‘natural’The article explains that after ending her second marriage, Scarlett gave an interview to Playboy and was quoted as saying, “I don’t think it’s natural to be a monogamous person. I might be skewered for that, but I think it’s work. It’s a lot of work.” They go on to quote her saying marriage is a “beautiful responsibility, but it’s a responsibility.”Akon thinks the more, the merrierPopular song artist Akon told TMZ that, “if women were more accepting of a man being with multiple women, there would be ‘less domestic disputes’ in the world.” He is further quoted as saying, “men are ‘natural breeders.’” Also, “If you find that one woman that supplies everything that you desire in a woman, of course, that would be a motivation for you to stick with that one woman. But, I don’t know no one woman that can satisfy every man’s one need. It’s impossible.” This article claims Akon has been very open about his relationships with four women, “who he considers to be his wives.”Sienna Miller said we’re all ‘animals’The article explains how in 2005 Sienna Miller was engaged to British actor Jude Law. Then Jude publicly admitted to having an affair with the nanny of the kids. After their relationship ended Sienna was interviewed as saying, “People would say ‘Poor her.’ But it wasn’t the first time it’s happened to me- and it won’t be the last, I’m sure. Human nature is such that monogamy is a really hard thing to achieve.” She was later interviewed with Rolling Stone and said, “I don’t know, monogamy is a weird thing for me.” “It’s an overrated virtue, because, let’s face it, we’re (expletive) animals.”Shailene Woodley blames it on geneticsI’m not familiar with this celeb, but she was pressed about being in a relationship with her co-star in White Bird. She denied it and went further to say in an interview, “I don’t even know if humans are genetically made to be with one person forever.” Reality bites if you’re Ethan Hawke’s wifeThis one is a dozy. The article says Ethan Hawke went through a divorce with Uma Thurman after he cheated on her with a much younger woman. Ethan was quoted as saying, “People have such a childish view of monogamy and fidelity. Our species is not monogamous.” The article says Ethan does not understand why people get frustrated over an unfaithful partner and blames it on, “human beings are sexual beings.” They say Ethan married his kids’ nanny after his divorce with Thurman was finalized and said in an interview, “My relationship with my present wife is thrilling to me and I’m committed to it. But neither she nor I know what shape the future will come in.” Whoopi Goldberg is open to affairsWhoopi was cited during an interview with CNN, “I suppose that, you know, you have to actually be in love with the person that you marry. You have to really be committed to them. And I’m just- I don’t have that commitment.” Her opinion on extramarital affairs was a little shocking to me as well. “Sometimes in a relationship, people can’t always get what they need, and if you have reputable people you can turn to in order to get what you need, I say go for it. It is a whole lot better than being frustrated and angry at the person you love.” Angelina Jolie doesn’t think fidelity is ‘essential’Angelina was asked about her split with Brad Pitt and was quoted via ABC News as saying, “I doubt that fidelity is absolutely essential for a relationship. It’s worse to leave your partner and talk badly about him afterwards” She made a comment post-divorce with Brad Pitt, “Neither Brad nor I have ever claimed that living together means to be chained together. We make sure that we never restrict each other.”Tom Ford: Monogamy is ‘artificial’I don’t know Tom Ford. Apparently he is a famous fashion designer. This article quoted him as saying, “I think that monogamy is artificial. I do not think it’s something that comes naturally to us.” Cameron Diaz isn’t sure anyone is naturally monogamousThey quote her back in 2014 saying to InStyle, “I don’t know if anyone is really naturally monogamous. We all have the same instincts as animals. But we live in a society where it’s been ingrained in us to do these things.” They do say that she has apparently tried to change her ways on this with her current husband.Kristen Bell called monogamy ‘difficult’Kristen Bell was quoted in an interview with Men’s Journal, “I’m quite positive we are not meant to be monogamous. It’s difficult, and it requires a lot of attention, vulnerability, and openness.” Then they have another quote from Bell, “He’s [her husband] very open about what he needs to stay satisfied in our relationship because if one partner isn’t satisfied, you just kiss it goodbye; somebody’s going to stray.”Hugh Grant doesn’t think humans are meant to be with one personActor Hugh Grant is quoted on the Howard Stern radio show as saying, “Do I think human beings are meant to be in 40-year-long monogamous, faithful, relationships? No, no, no. Whoever said they were? Only the Bible or something.” My ThoughtsWe can summarize all of these quotes into two main categories. One category is that monogamy is not natural. The other is that monogamy is too restrictive to meet all of your needs. These celebs and many others I am sure express what is on the hearts and minds of many other people who have been victim of, or been perpetrator in a failed monogamous relationship.Why do these celebs feel this way about monogamy? Why were some of these celebs who were victims of being cheated on accepting of it as just a natural way of life sometimes? Ethan Hawke openly admits that he loves his present wife but has no idea what the future may hold? What he means in plain speak is he may find some other woman later on that meets his needs more than his present wife, and he is just fine with this thought (so is his present wife apparently). How can Hugh Grant mock the concept of two people being in a, ’40-year-long monogamous, faithful relationship’? He even pointed out that idea must only be in, “only the Bible or something.”My view is that these sampling of celebs are probably an accurate sample of the way of our American culture views family and faithful marriages. Unfortunately this has for years been an influence on many Christians as well. The divorce rates among Christians prove this.Taking the first broad category that monogamy is not natural. These lead some of these celebs to conclude it is incredibly difficult to maintain a successful monogamous relationship. What is ironic is that they are correct in part, but they probably do not know why they are correct.God designed marriage to be a monogamous relationship between one man and one woman (Genesis 1:26-28 & Genesis 2:20-25). Also God’s plan was that these marriage relationships last for life. We know this as Jesus said that God never intended for divorce to happen. However He allowed it because of the wickedness in men’s hearts and as a form of protection for the woman from being scorned as not fit for marriage again (see Matthew 5:31-32 & Mark 2:2-12).So from the perspective of what should be the natural form of a relationship? It should be monogamous. However, why did these celebrities express it is not natural. What they mean by saying this is that to stay committed in a monogamous relationship does not seem or feel natural. God intends for marriages to be monogamous for life, yet it is hard. Why? What these celebrities do not know, and unfortunately it seems the vast majority of all other people in America, is that marriage does not feel natural to stay committed for life because of sin.God’s design was monogamy, yet sin we see interrupts all facets of ourselves, and our lives. This without doubt especially includes our relationships. When Adam and Eve sinned against God’s one command in Genesis 3, we see in the following chapters that their offspring are no doubt born into this sinful world as sinners by nature. We see monogamy for a bit until one of Cain’s (the first murderer, and that of his own brother) descendants decides to break rank and take two wives (see Genesis 4:19).As even the Bible progresses on we see some faithful patriarchs have only one wife (Job, Moses, Abraham, & Isaac for examples), yet we see some other heroes of the Bible even fall into this monogamy-is-not-for-me trap. Jacob, King David, and King Solomon to name some of the big ones. Yet even these men who God used in His bringing about the unfolding of His plan of salvation had issues (major at times) in the family. Sometimes the Bible explicitly shows us the reasons they had problems was because they chose to take many wives.The point here is to say that these celebrities are somewhat right when they claim monogamy does not seem natural and is very difficult. But a thinking person should stop and ask themselves, “Why is it this way? Why are we not naturally disposed to stay in faithfully committed monogamous relationships?” This should lead us to conclude, there must be a problem with us!Should we as people just accept it that this is the way it is? When we do this the unfortunate reality is that we have just given ourselves an excuse to try and avoid the fact that God intended for our relationships to be monogamous for life. The reason it does not seem natural to us is because sin has entered into our lives and our relationships. This is why Jesus went beyond the letter of the Law and focused on the heart of the Law. In one example Jesus said you may not have physically committed adultery, but have you lusted in your heart after another woman other than your wife? (Matthew 5:27-28).Jesus was trying to make the case that sin starts in the heart. It is this sin and sinful worldly culture we live in that constantly is driving and pushing us to go astray from our most dearly beloveds. This does not mean we have an excuse and can have the attitudes of these celebrities. Rather, we must recognize this reality of sin and recognize it will always be a battle for us in our marriages in one form or another.If you are a Christian through personal faith in Jesus the Christ as your Lord and Savior, this is amazing! Yet I want to make this point clear that we need to be honest and recognize we have a problem in our own camp. The divorce rates for Christians (although many of these identifying as Christian may not actually be a Christian) is as bad as or worse at times than those outside the Church! Why is this? Many reasons we could cite but the bottom line source would be sin.We still wrestle with sin our flesh and we Christians need to take note that this is the culture of America we have pounding at our minds. These are the actors we watch and get our entertainment from. We would be naïve to think we are above the influences of their personal views. Why? Because their views bleed into the Hollywood culture, which bleeds into the art produced. This carries over into the fashion, the ideals, the shows, and the trends that we and our children have thrown at us.This leads into the second broad category I want to briefly mention. A few of these celebrities, ironically mostly the men, had the view that monogamy was too restrictive. One woman cannot possibly meet all of a man’s needs for life can they? One man cannot possibly keep the one woman content her life can he? Do we really expect people remain committed for over 40 years? What if I meet that someone in twenty years who clearly should have been my special someone all along?Again my Christians, these are honest questions. The problem still is sin. Why is the heart of a person prone to stray and look elsewhere? We each have personalities and sin gets customized to our own personalities and weaknesses. Some people it is a struggle with pornography. Others it is that co-worker that you think gets you better than your spouse. Still others it may not be so much physical temptations for others as it is more emotionally you are now bored or frustrated with the same person for all this time.When we experience these temptations we must recognize them as sin and they come from our sinful flesh and culture waging war against God’s standards and divine intention for our relationships. I think sometimes we feel that there is legitimacy to our questions about should I leave this person I’m with because we may think that since we are Christians we wouldn’t be thinking this way unless something was legitimately wrong.We also can let the culture influence us to buy into the notion that we deserve to be happy. We are not recognizing that sin is at work pulling at our physical and emotional weaknesses. We then begin to see our minds change about the person we have loved all this time. We then begin to rationalize our possibly idea of leaving this person. We then mentally list all the reasons why we should leave because they did something to us or we deserve something better.What is ironic is that if we would strive to put away the sinful temptations and seek to live in our relationships the way God intends, we would be the most fulfilled. I love what David wrote in Psalm 37:4-5. “Delight yourself also in the Lord, and He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He shall bring it to pass. (NKJV)”David is plainly saying that if we would instead focus on delighting ourselves in God, then God would so incline our hearts that our hearts would be in tune with God. In tune with God to the degree that we would want what He wants. Then God would give us what we want. It’s an ironic formula for a satisfied happy life.Let us get back to the Word of God to see God’s views for our marriages. Let us be ever reminded and convicted that God intends for our marriages to be for life and be faithful. Yes there will be hardship and times of temptations. No, this does not mean you are not strong enough. It means we are still battling with sin in our flesh and society.Yet, we must recognize that we cannot give into the society’s views, as expressed by these celebrities, that our marriages are throw-away’s. We can keep them until they expire or just go stale and stink. Also we cannot be lured into thinking we can have them until the newer upgrade comes along that really gets us or really looks more like what we need.May we guard ourselves from the views of our secular culture on our marriages and seek to see them how God sees them and designed them. One man, one woman, faithfully for life so help us God. You can find the original article of these celebs quotes here Featured image was by Getty Images from the original article website.